It’s been years ago, but I went to NYC once. Actually, I had been many times as a student of the ministry school where I went but never really as a tourist. On this particular occasion back in 2003, I went to New York as a tourist. Yes, the Big Apple. It had been a couple of years after my internship and one of my friends stayed to work at the church in Times Square. The church set her up with an apartment in Brooklyn. One year close to Thanksgiving, a bunch of us girls from school decided to meet up with our friend in Brooklyn and stay a few days with her. While she still had to go to work, we went out site seeing and walked around the city.
On the first day of site seeing, we went everywhere and walked everywhere. We walked and walked some more. By evening, it was time to catch the Metro back to Brooklyn where we would meet up with our friend and go to a real Italian family run restaurant that our friend swore was the best Italian anywhere. I can’t remember now what I had. All I remember is it was delizioso!
We left the restaurant, and since my friend’s apartment was within walking distance, we walked back to her place.
This is when the pain in my knees got really bad.
I began to take careful, slow steps. I cringed with each step along the sidewalk, biting my lip to keep from crying. In my mind I’m praying, “Oh God! If someone could just carry me, I can make it!!”
But the words never left my lips. I never asked.
Why? Why, you ask, would I not ask for help when I needed it.
Good question. My answer: Pride. I didn’t want to be that desperate for help that I had to have someone actually carry me.
Silly, I know. I’m sure my friends would’ve been willing to carry me if I really needed the help. They know I have bad knees. This isn’t the first time my knees gave me trouble. While at school I had to walk on crutches for two weeks after going hiking up a mountain (or rather big hill…not really all that big of a mountain) with my class.
I hated showing that I was that weak.
The truth is I am. God is teaching me to admit I’m weak. If I didn’t learn this lesson I would never lean on Him. He’s had to teach me through many health issues and failures that I am a desperate woman in need of a Savior. I need Him for every moment.
Here’s what I read recently that has blown my mind. You know that Scripture in Psalm 46:10 that reads, “Be still and know that I am God.” Did you know that the word “still” translated from the Hebrew word “raphah” (Strong’s number 7503) means, “to slacken” or “sink in”, and the other words that is translated from this Hebrew word in KJV is “feeble”, “fail”, “weaken”, “idle”, “faint”?
I might be wrong, but I get the feeling God is speaking to me and saying not just to be still and do nothing and know that He is God, but to acknowledge my weakened state of being as a sinner in need of His grace. Because only by acknowledging where I am would I be able to then look to Him for His strength.
I get the picture of falling into God’s arms as a tired child who needs her Father to carry her.
No wonder why the Lord said to Paul, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” 2 Cor. 12:9.
It’s astounding to me that Paul earlier in this chapter talked about how God had taken him to the third heaven and he saw things that he couldn’t explain with words, and then in verse five he said it wasn’t anything to boast about. He would rather boast about his weaknesses.
Can any of us say we would rather boast in our weaknesses than in the great spiritual insights we receive?
However, as the years go by and I keep getting older, I am beginning to understand why Paul said that. If it wasn’t for his weakness, he wouldn’t see God’s power in his life.
I am learning to turn to the Lord and ask Him to carry me in my weaknesses. To fall or sink in to His arms that will under gird me and carry me through tough trials.
In Sarah Young’s daily devotional book, Jesus Calling, I read the Lord’s loving message to me about being still in His presence.
“The practice of being still in My Presence is almost a lost art, yet it is this very stillness that enables you to experience My eternal love.”
My goal is to practice this art of being still in His presence so that I may see His glorious strength and power in my life. I know with Jesus carrying me, I can make it. And through this I will experience His love and strength that will amaze me and everyone around me. People will see and put their trust in the Lord. Amen!